Two Dead at hands of Unknown Assailant

Published 8/19/2019
By Imogen Winters

In an unprovoked incident last night, two airport workers were savagely killed. A witness to the attack had this to say:

“This maniac pulled up in a dark-coloured car, spun out like ‘e’d lost control. Then ‘e calmly walked up behind us. I was just getting ready to greet ‘im, an’ ‘e pulled out this giant knife! Then ‘e stabbed Bobby with it. I booked it. Ain’t no way I was ‘anging round ta get stabbed meself – I got kids an’ all, yaknowit?”

Two workers were killed overnight at Bilgeco

“Did you see what happened to the other worker?”

“Carl? Nah, din’t see nuttin. Heard ‘e was stabbed in the face. But I din’t see it. Was runnin’ away, wasn’t I? Glad I did too, ‘cuz that crazy ~beeeeep~ shot at me, didnnit? Ran ’round the corner thinkin’ I was safe, an’ I’m all the way near the front of the buildin’, an’ ‘e comes shootin’ at me again. Crazy fool, I’ll tells ya. Man shuld be put down!”

Police described the incident as brutal and unprovoked. They are working to recover footage from security cameras which may have captured the incident.

LSPD reminds everyone to stay safe, and report any suspicious activities to local police, everything from ‘a ball in the road to cats up trees to armed robberies to murders’ – you can never be too safe!